


With Insight

by PhantomEngineer



Series: Butterfly Wings [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-02
Updated: 2018-05-02
Packaged: 2019-05-01 06:47:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14514756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhantomEngineer/pseuds/PhantomEngineer
Summary: The summer after the werewolf incident, Lily finally spends some time in Petunia's company. Petunia may never have liked Severus, but at least she understands that her sister is grieving.





	With Insight

“Oh Lily…” Petunia said, a certain amount of the antagonism that had come to define their relationship draining out of her, “I’m sorry. I won’t lie, I never liked him but still…”

Lily started crying, taking herself by surprise. She had thought that she had cried herself dry, but sitting in Petunia’s small flat took her back to the children they had been before she went to Hogwarts, when she and Severus had been full of excitement at the future that no longer awaited them, and Petunia had been her irritating older sister. Now she was just full of grief, even if there were few other people in her life that shared it. It came and went in waves, the constant reminder that those in her year who should have cared seemed so utterly indifferent. The relief she had felt at Petunia showing sympathy at her loss had overwhelmed her, even though it wasn’t much. Lily didn’t expect her to be drowning in grief for a boy she had never been close to, but at least she didn’t seem to be surprised that Lily was still heartbroken. 

Petunia sighed and awkwardly sat down by her sister on the neat sofa, drawing her into her arms and rubbing soft circles on her back. Lily sniffled gratefully, burying her head into her shoulder. She knew that Petunia had cancelled plans to see her, though she didn’t know what exactly those plans had been. Had all been well, Lily would presumably been travelling up to Cokeworth with Severus, either by train or maybe her parents coming to collect them in a car. Maybe Eileen might even have picked them up by magic, an option that had always existed though had never been taken. Now it never would be. She hadn’t wanted to make the long trip by public transport alone, and she had wanted to see Petunia even more than her parents.

They would be coming down by car the next day, and the four of them would be spending some time together as a family. It had been a long time since they had done that. Not since Lily had gone to Hogwarts, really. Lily didn’t want to think about that, about how with the physical distance of her being away at Hogwarts for most of the year her relationship with her family had become distant. She had lost Severus already, and the distance she had allowed to develop between them could now never be undone, but she could draw herself closer to her family. It felt good, to be sitting beside her sister who she had so long been at odds with, as if they were still sisters and could still forgive each other for the minor transgressions they each were guilty of. It also hurt, as if suggesting that she could so easily have made the first step towards Severus to repair the cooling of their friendship. She knew he had sensed it, and that it had distressed him. Instead of brushing him off with empty promises that nothing had changed she wished now that she had found the courage to tell him that her feelings for him had been changing, maturing, and that it would only change things if he wanted it to. She didn’t want to think those thoughts, as they too quickly would lead her down into a fantasy of him still being alive, of her having done something different so he never went wandering into the Marauders’ trap.

“I didn’t know it was that dangerous…” Petunia murmured into Lily’s hair, holding her close as if she might not have another chance. Lily shuddered slightly, shaking with sobs that she thought she had already purged herself of.

“It all seemed so wonderful,” she snivelled, her words muffled by her sister’s chest, but it didn’t matter. Nothing she was saying was really of that much importance, just words mourning her friend and with it all the dreams she’d shared with him. The beautiful magical world he had introduced her too that had then stolen him away with a danger that she had never imagined could exist. There was nothing much that Petunia could say. She knew nothing of the world Lily spent most of her time in, and she knew little of Severus. She had disliked both of them for so long, but that didn’t mean that she didn’t feel a glimmer of grief at his death, especially seeing Lily so devastated.

“I think I failed all my OWLs,” Lily added as she drew back, her tears finally drying up and her sobs fading. It was such an inconsequential thing in comparison to everything else that she almost started laughing, but she knew if she did she would return to miserable crying within moments. It was the sort of thing that she had cared about before, and which Severus had cared about even more than her. 

Petunia gave her a momentarily confused look, so Lily quickly clarified, “O-levels, basically. I tried to just study to take my mind off everything, but we always used to study together you know. Sev,” her voice trembled over his name, “Sev always loved to learn. We used to study together in the library…”

She had to take a moment to breathe, so she didn’t return to crying, “So every time I would try to study it always just reminded me that he wasn’t there with me… And I’d start crying again. I couldn’t focus properly and I’m not even sure whether there even was a point in bothering to study. I don’t… I don’t know if I want to go back…”

Petunia looked at her quietly, before asking, “What will you do then?”

“I don’t know…” Lily sighed, “I don’t know…”


End file.
